Over the summer of 2022, I was diagnosed with PTSD scoring a 66/80 on the assessment. The ways in which the disorder affected my perception of myself and others caused the world around me to shift both physically and metaphysically; I was left on the outside looking in. People were distant, goals were unattainable, and my relationships with others began to strain. When I walked through the streets, I clung to the belief that my presence was unwanted, even by those who hadn't yet laid eyes on me. I was creating a reality around me that I had no control over. I was navigating the world as if I was minuscule and so I was.
Unknowingly to the way that my subconscious mind had shifted, external properties of the world around me began to follow suit. With these changes came a heightened sense of visibility and invisibility. I felt as though no one could see me for who I was while on the other hand, I felt too many people could see me for the negative outward expression I was unintentionally displaying. I longed to live in the sweet spot. No matter how much or in how many ways I tried to explain to others my position in relation to the world around me, speaking felt futile as if I spoke a dead language and could only communicate with myself. Mirroring this emotion, in this project I utilize symbolism as a representation of things understood and dissected vs things consumed at face value. Exploring themes of isolation, reflection, individual reality and growth, l utilize 3D rendering in order to encode and communicate my experiences with PTSD in a way that echoes this barred communication. By combining 3D and 2D elements, I pull focus to the many planes of existence and highlight my transience between them.
Unknowingly to the way that my subconscious mind had shifted, external properties of the world around me began to follow suit. With these changes came a heightened sense of visibility and invisibility. I felt as though no one could see me for who I was while on the other hand, I felt too many people could see me for the negative outward expression I was unintentionally displaying. I longed to live in the sweet spot. No matter how much or in how many ways I tried to explain to others my position in relation to the world around me, speaking felt futile as if I spoke a dead language and could only communicate with myself. Mirroring this emotion, in this project I utilize symbolism as a representation of things understood and dissected vs things consumed at face value. Exploring themes of isolation, reflection, individual reality and growth, l utilize 3D rendering in order to encode and communicate my experiences with PTSD in a way that echoes this barred communication. By combining 3D and 2D elements, I pull focus to the many planes of existence and highlight my transience between them.